However Felix’s only experience of fighting is occasional altercations with unscrupulous brokers, thieving transients and drunken neighbours. Me, I am fast, agile, honed. Necessity has taught me that to strike must be to kill, to leave an opponent in no condition to counter. Though it is against my nature, I know what it is to extinguish the flame of life from a human being. “Why?” I ask as the world finally grinds back into life, amazed at how calm I sound. Inside there is no grief, only mute, uncomprehending shock. He twists on the spot, wrings his hands, in a childish fashion, “three years,” he pleads, “three years apart from you.” I smile sadly, trying to compose my thoughts. “I know,” I tell him softly, “it has been an eternity, hasn’t it? And I can see now that I have been naïve to hang my everything on our marriage, on returning to you.” He gingerly takes a step towards me, encouraged by the softness in my voice. I allow him to come, waiting until he is almost touching me. There was one other loose end that Sandy took care that evening. She called Frank and filled him in on her conversation with the girls. She definitely wanted him to know that the women, and presumably the fellows, would be expecting them to sleep together. She added that there might be a suspicion about their overall relationship and they should talk about that when they were alone. In any case, she thought that there might be some teasing about their ‘shacking up’ together on this trip. Not surprisingly, Frank was not too concerned and, in fact, was pleased that there would be no pretense necessary. So, Saturday morning, a little before 6:00 AM, an enormous van pulled into the driveway, I put her suitcase aboard, kissed her very hard, wished her and them a very reluctant ‘goodbye and have a wonderful trip,’ and watched that van disappear out of sight. I felt an emptiness inside that would remain until she returned eight days later. The house had never seemed so big. I wanted her.
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